From Tumblr: Ask - What was Rumple thinking in chapter 8 of A Bed of Thorns?

[nym_wibbly]

A Tumblr user asked: In ch 8 of ABoT, can you elaborate on Rumple’s thought process after Belle confronted him in the kitchen, till he went to her room? Did he debate with himself on whether to go? What did he think of the way she challenged him?

He was absolutely stunned! Apart from anything else, he’s not used to anyone calling him out, breaking the flow of his ‘performance’ as the Imp. Belle keeps doing it in ABoT, but it’s still new to him at that point. He’d wanted to marry somebody capable of that, someone who wouldn’t be cowed by him, someone who could be that deep and fierce without being cruel. He’d sensed that she had it in her, but on the other hand he was astonished when she challenged him so directly. Later in the story, he’s pleased when she pushes back at him, however frustrated he becomes; at this early stage, it was just a jawdrop moment for him. It was very briefly a dangerous moment; she stopped him running away after he’d had his say, and his first instinct was to lash out, or poof himself out of there so she couldn’t have hers. He didn’t, mainly because he was so surprised. He listened.

The fact that she was practically demanding that he get himself into bed with her only doubled the effect. He isn’t unaware of the alluring effect that he as the Dark One can have on people of a certain mindset – people who are into what he is and admire how he behaves, the Coras and Zelenas of the world – but he was completely unprepared for Belle holding him to the deal he made. He was convinced that she’d be grateful to him for not holding her to her side of it – for not touching her any more than he had to to seal the contract. He hadn’t realised until then that Belle wasn’t sticking to the script he’d written because she hadn’t actually seen the script; that his behaviour bewildered her rather than reassuring her. He’s not used to people being completely willing to uphold their end of his deals, either. He admires that about her.

Her motives puzzled him, since he was sure he wasn’t seeing a woman who desired him, or even a woman who wanted sex and thought his was the only available cock. He hadn’t got a handle yet on her affectionate nature, or grasped the idea that she could feel affection for him, feel loyalty and solidarity with him in spite of how their marriage came about. He’d psyched himself up for the wedding night, for the 'favour' he’d do her by making it short and businesslike before promising her 'never again'. He was pleased with himself for being gallant. He was still holding on to that notion when she confronted him in the kitchen, and it took him a while to deconstruct it and remember that he’d made it up in his own head to begin with; he’d projected it onto her. She’d been welcoming and straightforward on their wedding night, if overwhelmed by events (and underwhelmed by his approach). He remembered how she’d touched his face and hair, seeking more of him rather than less of him, and how she hadn’t flinched when he’d indulged himself by kissing her. She’d been kind, and she’d been trying to make their marriage work from the moment she agreed to it.

He never disputed that she was entitled to a fully functional husband if she wanted one, having made that deal with her. He holds himself to their contract to a far greater extent than he holds her to it, and even viewed as an obligation, he didn’t mind sleeping with her. He had no intention of letting her be with anyone else – partly possessiveness, partly that he wasn’t going to be cheated on a deal. It was only then that he realised how much of his behaviour on their wedding night had been about protecting himself from her scorn or rejection. It was a few days more before he began to realise that he’d robbed them both of a precious opportunity by projecting his ideas about their first time onto her; that he’d been selfish and self-defeating while trying to be decent towards her. It was even longer before either of them realised how much he’d hurt her feelings by pretending indifference, by dispensing with romance.

Although we hadn’t met Milah when I wrote those early chapters, I’d left a Milah-shaped gap in the narrative because Season One had. Hordor’s remark in Desperate Souls; a wife who couldn’t bear the sight of him. Rumple’s discomfort when Bae asked if it was true that his mother was dead. I assumed she’d run off with someone she liked better, and that Rumple’s humiliation and pain about that parting fed directly into his handling of Belle in Skin Deep, his conviction that he’s unlovable. On the one level, he was afraid that she was threatening his plan to get the curse cast and reach Baelfire. But he was also afraid of being hurt, rejected. He’s afraid of taking the emotional risk, and that’s what I was exploring when I wrote these early scenes between ABoT!Rumple and Belle. He was thinking about the past while he decided what to do about Belle’s outburst. He was trying to get things back onto a footing he could comprehend when he brought her the pleasure potion. He was shaken by being welcomed into her bed a second time, and he still tried to minimise his 'intrusion' for her sake, tried to take as little as possible from her. He meant it kindly, gallantly again, but he was also exposing as little of himself as possible to scorn and rejection