RL Thing

[nym_wibbly]

2018 ends, for me, with a massive Real Life Thing.  I'm skilled enough at mindfulness, CBT techniques and so on that I'm not freaking out about it, or sitting here fruitlessly worrying myself sick(er) about it, but still.  It's a big, important, challenging Thing that I'd rather run away from, that could have massive consequences for my quality of life if it goes badly for me (or potentially improve things if it goes well) and it's getting closer by the hour.

Short term, it involves a much longer journey than I'd usually risk making, one that would be draining and difficult all by itself, without the Thing waiting for me at the other end. I'll be fine getting there, I'll cope as best I can with the actual Thing, but getting home again... that's the point where enough will become too much.  At least, that's how it's gone the other times I've had to do the Thing.

While I'm miserable about tomorrow, and incredulous that any Powers That Be think New Year's Eve an appropriate time to make someone Do The Thing, given the public transport situation over the holidays,  I'm also sort of glad that I can leave this behind as part of 2018.  I've struggled this year - with my mood, my self-motivation, my pain management, with increasingly basic tasks, and my ability to keep my head above water in general.  2018 was the year when the struggle finally managed to erode my 'make the best of it' attitude. I've begun to run out of fucks-to-give as well as dealing with a shortage of spoons. And I didn't even get a silly episode of Doctor Who for Christmas, gosh darn it!

With this behind me, 2019 can feel like a completely fresh start.  I can try to get back on the hope wagon.

Roll on, January 1st.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Wishing you a life-time supply of good-quality spoons and the best possible ending to a year that had ambitions to become a decade on its own! See you on the other side!
-i